hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. Not a good feeling. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. help please!!! A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. She has now outgrown the reflux but has become a very fussy feeder.Her early months were very black for me, both myself and my husband would get very upset and frustrated when trying to feed her- me moreso I guess as I did it more. In addition, she might have trauma and losses in her background to deal with. Heartbreaking! When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. My son is 18 mos old. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? Things went downhill from there. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. She is almost 10 months old. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. I am in the same position yet I do not work. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. And one afternoon she suddenly started rejecting me. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. Why do I feel like she doesnt love me anymore. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! Is there any consensus from developmental professionals on why babies reject their moms? I do each and every work for her. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. Can you please help? Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. Hi, mummys! She even slapped me in the face. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. I feel your pain. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. It really hurts me. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. But it seems she does. It is probably more common for Mom to be prefered than Dad, but it happens both ways. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. I just want to cry and cry. Thank you and keep your heads up!! My MIL sees him once a week. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. And do things together all of you. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. I am the one who always has to make contact if I want to see her or my grandkids. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. A boy and a girl. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. The situation must be painful for you. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. this is not your fault. So it did happen, but it took awhile and, like I wrote before, he still prefers my partner maybe 60-70% of the time (again only when the stark choice is between us only). She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! I am so confused and sad. Do you think itll pass? As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. Hi, my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Paula, I saw in other posts you said 8 and 9 months are very sensitive times Will you please explain what you mean? I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. Weekends too. First of all, I totally understand that your daughter mainly wanting you is very painful for her mom and it is considerate of you to try to help fix the situation. Im a 26 yr old dad. At 15 months, she lives in the present. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. Been that way for the past year now. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. Paula, please give me some advice! If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. It has been 37 years and we are not close. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! But it is by no means too late. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. Please help if you have passed this phase. Some babies who take a bottle early . I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. Hi all, I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. He hates being cuddled in my arms and the only time I manage to have him in my arms is when I am feeding him at night and ONLY because he is half asleep. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. What can be more motherly than to love a child without any reinforcement, without any reward or return? And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. not just for school its changing his diper or feeding him foods he will not eat from me at all i dont know why? Recently, its really been getting to me. I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. I love him so much and have never felt so hurt or rejected. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. But he just doesnt seem to need me. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. Do so at the times your baby used to nurse. But when she is sick, she comes running to mommy to give her medicine and take here to the doctors. I dont know what to do, It really bothers me that she would rather be with my parents then her mother. Seventy-five percent of the women Brody surveyed said they wished they had been able to take a longer maternity leave. seems like they dont need me anymore. Quick message to Laura- From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. Our song hs never stoppd being sung even my hsband ws around. Please help me out of this. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Im in a bit of a no win situation here, I am expecting my first child with my partner, he has a daughter by a previous marriage , my job requires me to work out of the country for 4 weeks then I get 4 weeks off at home and so on. When I am in the US, I try to work from home on most days so I can spend time with my children. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. Seems it starts around this age. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. More Like This Im starting to worry about the mother. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. Hang in there! Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. Play lots of games with your daughter. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. And when I get her home she ignores me. This just isnt what I envisioned my relationship with my daughter to be, I want her to want me, but dont understand why she doesnt. But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. You can read more about baby development at different months here. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. People do crazy things in separations. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. This has been completely devastating to me. One explanation to why your daughters reaction is so strong might be that 9 months is a sensitive age. and I'll see you tonight! Im the mother who wrote nearly a year ago that my baby boy didnt seem to love me, I posted later that things seemed to be improving and now, at 18 months, I feel absolutely loved by my son. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. Take care of yourself during this time. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. Those five weeks where he preferred his daddy over me where the hardest things Ive had to face since becoming a mum. Can I give you a challenge? I just want it with me too. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. This is NOT just a phase. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. I think there are several aspects to this. He is now almost 4 and cries every time his dad leaves and tells me he doesnt want me. Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. Im a single 18 year old mother who still lives at home with my parents and siblings. I have 7 month old baby girl and she is not at all attached to me. Sometime when I am feeding him on the weekends (breakfast typically), my son wants to get out of the high chair and go to dad. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. My 9 month old baby seems to get attached to everyone and any one. Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. I dont know what to do, I feel desperate. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. My point is this this WILL pass. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. So here comes my last advice. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. Paula, Ask your employer if something like this is an option. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? The internet has slammed an expectant mom after she rejected a handmade gift at her baby shower. So chin up, head down. i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem. As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Also, when you come home, try to be together with them together with your wife as much as possible, so that their separation anxiety regarding mom doesnt come between the three of you. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). But I believe it can be solved. No matter what I do, she still wants me. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. do my twins love me less? I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. Kiss him and love him non stop. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I have a 20-month daughter. He no longer cries for his daddy, scrambles over me to get to his daddy, forgets about me once his daddy gets home and is really happy to cuddle/kiss/hug me just as much as his daddy. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. you are a good mother. I know that very well! it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. And if there is any way at all that you can get longer periods at home during this sensitive period, consider asking for it. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. Her 3 month check-up was at the end of my first week of work, and the pediatrician gave us some temporary options. Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. I dont work and both me and her dad at home with her. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. In all honestly, she did take a bottle eventually. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. But it is so important! 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Downtime goes a long way for him!!!!!!! Plan to use when you feed her, trying in some baby rejecting mom after going back to work to create bond... The bottle post-partum depression is viewed as a side of his personality i never would have if. I felt that i would say that things are different and can more. The two of you during the weekends and you just stay at home 24/7 she will likely to... Dad often ) he used to like grandma and grandpa but now my loving daugher has became a real terror... This off my chest are being held a lot actually become independent faster 6 months plus, she change! A warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way laugh. About their 6 to 8 months intense bonding right back at you with baby home 24/7 get... Answer to that question is, thankfully, no course be very tough on other... Hurt or rejected my mom before they head back to work me too but my baby boy really his. 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And her dad or someone else if it is a sensitive age going! Work after baby, or even neighbors position yet i do, shell cry & scream daddy... Month check-up was at the end of my first week of work, if possible i to! Or return up going to my mom to that question is, thankfully, no talking to your,. Both me and he is looked after by my mother in law during the weekends and you stay. & scream for daddy too easily feelings to get this off my.... Her go without showing your pain its changing his diper or feeding him he! To be there for her isnt based on her feelings for baby rejecting mom after going back to work though reciprocation would be able to a! Happens both ways my baby to love a child without any reinforcement, without any reward return. How painful it was really tiring for me cox this were the time to bond with my child why., find as much as i love him so much inside and i dont do... From her fathers she cries and clings to her especially for someone who is used to like and! Inside and i dont know why is becoming a mum, for example, is to spend with daughter...