Ya, it sucks being sick but it's a stomach bug. Do you have kids that were sick too? It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. I gotvery sick from what I ate. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. I take and I take, and then I take some more. I think that it's true. Even though we were engaged and had a date set, I still shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and THAT action left me with something that I would have to deal with the rest of my life. Join hosts Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn for this series of six short videos (roughly 3-4 minutes each) called Thriving in Love & Money. Theyll offer helpful tips, informed by years of research and based on their new book, to help you and your spouse explore the underlying issues that lead to financial conflict and consider healthy ways to Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. Anyway..it was really serious and I can't ever remember being that sick before in my life and it was horrible right? Sometimes they have had a crappy childhood - one person mentioned a highly detached mother for her ADHD partner. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 09:54. Why? Emotionless. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. The only thing he has genuinely shared from his therapy was the conclusion that he lies to everyone all the time. That's life. Never underestimate the callousness of the narcissist. Even worse when these DisneyDaddys, lol are looking for a life partner, the first thing that they rub on your face is the: my kids come first b.s. But I believe I am blessed with many friends. The next morning I woke up with chills and a fever of over 100. I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. My husband's reaction? I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. WHYDID YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU, and tell me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow After recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on to get a B.A. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. He is talented but can't hold a job with benefits so I work despite having health issues. My husband was in complete denial and continued on with his multiple activities, trying to ignore his son suffering. Submitted by The Bride (not verified) on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 04:33. Then I'd best not be an inconvenience complaining about it, and chores and errands still need doing (note that in either case, there's no tender care to aid recuperation). There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. He said it was too clinical and she was cold. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. You dont care about my illness. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. He thinks about "whatever", in the moment he's in. Maybe I'm just expecting a bit too much. He lovesfamily when they are joking with him, but not if they need him. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. He still chose to run to a young girl fresh out of college, and fun, carefree who didn't know anything about him, who thought he was the most amazing man on earth. (I think men dont care I'm going to be honesy) however when he is sick he expects me to stay in with him all day and if I go out hes constantly asking me to come home and gets angry if I'm out to long (he gets angry if I'm out to long anyway) he is unemployed and has a lot of time on his hands in this circumstance yet when I'm with him I have about 2 percent of his attention and that's just simple responses. I was so ill from stress and he never checked on me. Consequences. Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. Yes, I chose someone who couldn't love,or who chose NOT to love. I always try hard to take care of everybody when they are sick, including my spouse. Etc. She can't fix it if she doesn't know. And my lack of ability to insist on my needs put me in a ditch with a broken neck on my moms 60 birthday. Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. Jason and Maria want something entirely different out of the same marriage. Love. If it's me first? I only wanted to make things easier on myself, for three nights a week. NOTHING HELPED. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. He would scream at me if I touched him that I was killing him. People with ADHD don't have to miss movies because they lose track of timethey just have to learn toset alarms. And I also think- woe is the day he gets something as (he has never been sick a day in his life)I am not going to feel very compassionate. He said he can never be good enough and then turned the tv on and left me alone, the whole night sobbing. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. They ruin too many peoples lives. I agree his kids should come first. Being romantic just to get sex will be seen as manipulative. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. I was sick this past weekend into Monday with Bronchitis and my husband, who doesn't work during the week, left me alone on Monday when I called off from work. I did just that, and was starting to fall asleep almost at work I so exhausted, my company was worried about me, and I told my husband I wanted to go on medical leave, that I couldn't do it anymore. I have been enlightened and no longer feel alone. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. And I'm also feeling better. I feel a burden lifted off of me, especially after looking at my 27 years of marriage and realizing I am severely co-dependant. And that was just with a scratchy throat. I have that kind of love with my children - simple, all encompassing, comfortable, aware, connected, attentive and involved it is possible to have it and I think it is a normal and natural human endeavor. Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent. By then its too late. I asked him why he never, ever revealed that to me..no answer. Tired of the "sorry" "I suck as a husband but won't get help" "you deserve better than me" I broke. Melissa, I really appreciate your efforts, but I will say that I tried everything with my now ex-spouse, and nothing worked to rekindle the connection. Otherwise I think you need to stop acting like a child when sick. Third possible explanation: your wife doesn't want to get sick and thus avoids you? So, I left him for the very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him. Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). I wouldnt listen to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. He told I just had the flu and went to bed. When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. To the average person we are a perfect couple, our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. Someone who would listen to MY dreams, and want that for me, as much as I want his dreams and goals for him, and to help each other achieve those, if in our power. Would she normally kiss you before going to work? Was she sick recently and you didn't pay attention? He still isn't getting behavior help for his ADHD, and when I bring it up, he gets frustrated with that, saying I'm focusing too much on the ADHD. If you feel leaving him will make you happy then do it. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. I am flaberggasted. Reach out in an inviting way. I would blame him for screwing up mine. He will do things like say "You are not sick!!" It is not only me he has no sympathy for, it is his children as well. Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. This has been validating. Unfortunately, many divorced dads want to be their kids friends and a DisneyDad to them rather than a father. A therapist can help you evaluate the factors that have led you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed. Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Become a Mighty contributorhere. (And he sees this as a good thing)half done, with walls half painted. Calmly confess and take responsibility for the times in your marriage when you have been dishonest. To live content with small means; to be worthy, not respectable; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, this is my symphony. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. You must have JavaScript enabled to use this form. He despises sickness- like it is a form of weakness or something. If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. That lasted about 6 months for us and about 2 years for me to get over. You can find even more stories on our Home page. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. Get back to loving yourself, believe in yourself because true love always IN all ways, shows up! That's just I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. WebIt is not a crime to not care for a spouse when they are sick. Duped again. Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men. But in the end, that doesn't matter either. That is my story for anyone that can benefit from it. I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, making meals. Devoid of anything? Always. Good point. Mistake on my part expecting a bit too much help from my partner. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. (again, fear). The one hoarding in the place you are trying to sell? I used to do the same thing. I couldn't handle it. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? Submitted by kellyj on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 14:18. OMG. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. Run!!! But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. Sorry guys, I just had to vent and get it out of my system. About the only time that's not the case is if they've just gone through whatever it is. Make him whatever type of soup he wants, bring him medicine, rub his head etc. We already talked last night and we good now. Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. If one or both of you dont have time to talk about things, you can schedule a time that works better. But god forbid he do anything out of his way for me. THAT ONE TIME was all a therapist needed to hear to identify a personality disorder. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. But don't be the version of youthat is currentlyin his face. Especially since most the time its as simple as "you didn't ask me a question in your text to make me contact you back" I lost track of time" I was busy" so I will not take anything personal even though I am very empathetic and mushy, I don't want to beg anymore for something that won't happen for whatever reason. The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. Im the one who is on disability and hasnt worked in two years. In the first instance, you get his buy in. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. ever heard of obsessive compulsive personality disorder? Messes everywhere in EVERY room, stuff everywhere, junk everywhere, broken things everywhere. She says take medicine or go to doctor. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. He is loved by many, not evil. I love(d) H, and love (past, present and future)our children, our grandchildren, art, my business, my home. He's afraid someone is going to see that he couldn't 'do this, and it will make him look bad to someone "out there". Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 11:42, "our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. And now that I have, I have a new perspective. If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. My wife was pretty awful about helping me when I was sick for the first 20 years of our relationship and is still not great at it. An the cycle continues. My Mother in law said to my husband :" You should help her, she is going to fall". I don't think this is necessarily an ADHD thing. I do believe the process may work if it s just adhd or adhd lite and there aren't significant co morbidities or emotional, physical or substance abuse and life is stable otherwise, ie no major financial complications. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. I was still in therapy and my therapist, who is a mutual friend and took me on pro-bono, helped me so much to rebuild my esteem, stop being co-dependent. A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. For example, my husband pulled the kids card every holidayas a way to justify seeing his family far more than mineuntil I put a stop to it. Of course, he doesn't understand why I can't go run errands with him because it's not a big deal that I've got a slight fever. I understand how having a stomach bug can be physically draining-hard to eat,sleep, ect But you are a 24 year old grown up, if youre sick, ask to go to doctor or if she can take you. In the main area of the house there should be 2 colors, and now there are at least 5. He shoved my face in my decision and said I was wrong and did say he was hard to live with but not enough to leave. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. H's definition of love is thisafter I asked him "What does love mean to you?" But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: You and your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect. When you are sick you deserve to have someone that does the things that show they care about your health and well being. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. My husband says he wants us to "get back together", and he now wants to be the husband he should be. I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our fell... About the only time that works better a spouse when they are sick different of! 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